An ecumenical book club in Godalming Surrey
Saturday, 25th May 2019
An ecumenical Christian book group in Godalming Surrey
What a fulfilling experience it was to be invited to meet this welcoming and well established reading book club.
I learnt that when Diana Samways, a long time member and former chairperson of our local branch of the Society of Authors, discovered that leaders Ian and Jan Honeysett had selected my autobiography ‘Dropping The Habit’, she informed them of our acquaintance through said Society.
I was especially delighted that the club met in Ladywell Convent because that was where our Assisi group prepared for our pilgrimage last year. Moreover, many years ago I studied at Roehampton University with a few of their nuns. The Franciscan Missionaries of the Divine Motherhood are always so welcoming. I am inspired by the spirit of St Francis of Assisi. I consider him particularly relevant at a time when we are discussing climate change and environmental issues.
Jan and Ian kindly invited me to a delicious meal in their beautiful home before transporting me to Ladywell convent. We were welcomed into a comfortable room by Sr June. After tea and cakes, Ian introduced me to an enthusiastic a mix of readers from different religious denominations.
Having pondered on my autobiography these readers were well acquainted with my life story. Their probing questions helped me to reflect on the struggles, privileges and opportunities that I have experienced so far in life’s journey:
1 Why did I enter the convent so young?
In 1959 it was not unusual for a fourteen year old girl to enter a convent. The twenty vocations entering with me ranged in age between eleven and twenty-seven. The term ‘teenager’ was relatively new. The Jesuit motto ‘Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man‘ was upheld by many. The implication was that the best opportunity to indoctrinate a person in a lifetime of belief and devotion to religious dogma is when they are young.
In my case I wonder if I was my mother’s sin offering especially as later on I discovered that I had been conceived outside marriage. My parents were not permitted to have a white wedding. They were restricted to only having the legal witnesses present at their wedding which took place behind the altar.
2 Why did I remain a member of the Salesian order for thirty-three year if I felt I no longer had a vocation?
Although we were not an enclosed our lives were restricted. Contact with our parents was limited and supervised. Our correspondence was censored. We did not have access to either radio, newspapers and television. We were not permitted to go outside the convent unaccompanied. Those among us who attended school were forbidden to converse with other pupils. We were regimented.I often wondered what other class members made of us when they observed us donning aprons at the end of the school day ready to clean the school and empty what was leftover from school dinners into a containers. These were placed in a wheel barrow and taken to the convent kitchen and the food heated for supper.
I only had the courage to consider leaving the order when:
– After the second Vatican Council radical changes in the Teachings in the Catholic Church gave us permission to reconsider many rules, dogmas and teachings that up until then had been sacrosanct
– Many of my companions in religious life began to leave.
– Our way of life changed. We returned to the original charism of the order St Don Bosco, whose life was dedicated to educating deprived young people.
Consequently many of our houses in affluent areas were sold and communities moved into smaller ones often in the midst of housing estates. After we closed Henley, I taught in Paisley, Battersea, Bermondsey Chertsey and Farnborough.
3 Did I consider that I had a vocation?
Yes.I was considered capable and eligible. I was healthy and complied with rules of religious life. I was receiving a good education. Even though our study time was restricted, we worked hard and achieved success. Our meals were fairly basic but we had a roof over our heads. One of the Sisters managed to bring home left-over food from Covent Gardens. Heaven was our goal and our reward.
However, after thirty years I suffered a nervous breakdown I seriously questioned my ability to continue in religious life. The Sisters sent me to a therapuetic centre at a financial cost to the congregation in order that I re-evaluate my vocation. The words of the Sr Superior at that time readily come to mind: You are not happy, Marion. I am happy in my vocation. I want you to be happy. Do whatever you need to do in order to find your happiness.
4 Are there many vocations nowadays?
It is no surprise that more people in poorer countries enter religious life. Their need is greater and their countries need them. In affluent countries governments have often learnt from religious Orders.
5 Why do more people appear to be more attracted to contemplative life than to teaching, nursing in more active Orders?
Maybe because we are bombarded by the media etc. Is the Mindfulness equivalent to meditation and contemplation been practiced in Religious Life for centuries?
6 What was the religious habit material made from?
Sr June also responded to this and other questions. Hopefully, together we were able to provide shared insights into what motivated us as nuns. She had been a missionary in Malaysia, Singapore and elsewhere and is also more aware of the present day teaching of the Catholic Church on many relevant matters.
This doll that I had dressed in the older form of the Salesian Sisters Habit always attracts attention. Despite the fact that we were not permitted to take photos the few that I have demonstrate how the Salesian Sisters habit was modernised.
7 Did we wear a lighter habit in Summer?
Here in Europe we had one habit for daily wear and another to be worn on Feast days and solemn occasions. Once a year the daily habit was taken apart and brushed to remove dust and stains.
Sisters in warmer countries had a white cotton habit.
Eventually the shorter grey habit, made from machine washable material, replaced the black habit.
8 Were woollen vests worn?
Yes. We wore a woolly vest in winter and airtex one during summer. The wool tended to harden after being washed in big industrial machines.
9 Who designed the habit?
The black habit was modelled on the dress worn by women in Mornese when the congregation was founded. Our foundress, Mary Mazzarello, lived in that part of Italy.
10 Why were our bodies covered from head to toe?
Modesty dictated the type of clothes/habits worn by nuns. We were told that we were to be a constant reminder to others of our heavenly goal. We were pointing heavenwards. That was our raison d’être
We wore a chemise required to be replaced in the weekly bath making sure that the clean one covered our bodies before the soiled one was slipped down.
At this point one of our book club members recounted how once when he staying over night in a convent he sprinkled what he thought to be bath salts in the water to discover that it was chastity powder used by the nuns to prevent them from looking at their bodies.
10 Was our hair chopped off?
No. However, as it was covered and we used carbolic soap instead of shampoo, the less hair that had to be cared for the better! Besides we were only allocated half an hour for our weekly bath, so we cut our own hair.
11 How did we manage to keep tidy without the use of mirrors?
Reflections in glass fronted bookcases helped. ‘Touch and feel’ proved to be all that was necessary in order to be presentable.
12 What sins would you confess after spending days on a religious retreat?
We had become accustomed to thoroughly examining our conscience. Scrupulosity reigned. We were encouraged to consider what sin we might have committed by reflecting on how we had used each of our senses. Touch, sight, hearing etc
Sr June suggested that as we are humans we are bound to have faults etc. None of us are perfect so we will sinned.
I consider that sin is a deliberate act.
13 Has my relationship with my family been restored?
I was fortunate enough to escape from our Brixton furnished flat. I did not have to live in the deprived area near East Street in Walworth until our communities moved there much later on. Besides while my two brother and sister were struggling I was provided for. My parents contributed financially to my convent upkeep. As my two sisters were born after I entered the convent we did not really know each other. They may well have regarded me as their estranged, preachy sister. Both my brothers struggled with alcoholism. My mother suffered from severe depression.
After spending thirty-three years in the convent I am convinced that my family care about me. Even so we live different lives.We try to keep in touch and I visit them from time to time. I made a big change from Community life to living alone so consequently I feel lonely on occasions such as Christmas and the celebrations of birthdays. Suffering sexual abuse by a priest when recovering from breast cancer discouraged me from relationships.
14 What about friendships?
Particular friendships were discouraged in the convent. I am not inclined to form close friendships.
I shun discussions about sex, innuendoes or nudity. This often results in me declining invitations to places where I feel I will be at risk especially if friends are likely to drink too much.
The music that I am familiar with is sacred, classical and Irish. This type of music evokes memories. While I was in the convent I did not hear current songs and music. Music that I am unfamiliar with proves to be insignificant. It has no connection. I find that other people often fail to understand this.
After years of formation it has taken me a long time to develop and be content in my beliefs. It often takes courage to hold on to differences in opinions in a group without causing offence.
15 Why was the convent in Bellville South Africa haunted?
Back here in England we were told that the Sisters in our Bellville convent found their stockings and other items of clothing moved and equipment such as typewriters began to function on their own. Doors opened and shut independently. Strange noises were heard. But when questioned these matters seemed to be hushed up. Some of the sisters who were sent home didn’t wish to speak about them. Eventually the convent was demolished and we heard later that a carpark that was set up there was spooked.
Perhaps interpretations of what occurred there clashed with the teachings of the Catholicism: Catholics believe in purgatory: a temporary condition for the soul that has passed personal judgment but still has the temporal component of sins to atone for before attaining the beatific vision.
Was exorcism used to evict the demons from the house, that are believed to be possessed? Was it considered to be a noisy ghost a poltergeist? Maybe the nuns considered it prudent to respect the beliefs upheld in this area of Africa.
16 Other questions posed by the reading group:
1 Do you regret entering religious life?
2 Are better off being single?
3 Are you happy now?
4 When you were a nun did you encourage others to join the convent?
5 Why do you write?
My answers:
1 Maybe aged fourteen I was not aware that I was running away from life in a crowded furnished flat in Brixton. I probably knew that Religious life was ordered and brought my parents higher social status.
We lived a secure, timetabled and regulated life in the convent. We laughed and had fun too.
The Sisters were very good to my family. I was often permitted to borrow the convent car in order to take my parents on days outings. Sometimes the Sisters also helped my parents financially.
2 There are pros and cons to being single. I would love to be loved and cared for but alone I can please myself more easily.
3 Fortunately I am reaping the benefits of having received a good education and from the therapy paid for by the Salesian Sisters.
4 I answered this question thus: If you went to M&S and discovered a wonderful soap you would most likely encourage others to purchase some! Likewise in my early years in the convent I wanted others to join me in following Christ Jesus and meriting life after in heaven.
I always extol the great work that the Salesian Order are engaged in throughout the world.
Sr Jude also reminded all that the reason that the mission of those in religious life has changed is that civilians have followed the example of missions set up by religious orders in nursing, teaching and other spheres. However, nuns and priests are still needed in underdeveloped countries.
5 I find writing therapuetic. While I am writing I am relax. It would seem that I can opt out of qualities associated with Virgo that include precision, a desire to be of service, and a sense of duty, while I engage in writing.
In all states of life it is best for folk comparing life now with the past to remember that this is problematic.
I always find that no matter how many persons there are in any group that I address, there are a few who are familiar with the locations mentioned in my book. This happened also on this occasion.
Had I not been questioned by this reading group maybe I would not have been encouraged to probe yet again into to what makes me tick!
So a huge THANK YOU to Ian and Jan for introducing me to this lovely interested, reading group.